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Hello Magazine - a short ditty on fame


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A song from Celebrity Torture.

Graeme Hobbs wrote the lyrics and sung me one verse with the instructions, and I quote, "one riff, flog it to death, My Old Man's A Dustman"

This is what happened.

Possibly one of the few songs on MJ with a middle 8 of tubular bells, uke, tuba and spoons (and probably quite a good thing it is the only one)

I was aiming for a Spike Jones / Bonzos organised chaos but I think I just got the chaos :)

It's a bit rough but I'm fed up with playing with it now as I'll rework when Graeme sings it.
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Lyrics
Hello Magazine © Graeme Hobbs 2008
The Stars in Heaven shining
But they ain't got that sheen
as the stars that are appearing
in Hello magazine

We're other worldly creatures
Bursting with our self esteem
and you're no-one if you've never been
in Hello magazine

Like Kraftwerk showroom dummies
made of wax'n'plasticine
just put us in our poses
in hello magazine

Dressed in some design creation
by some dotty fruity queen
I'll be wearing on the pages
of Hello magazine

It's money masturbation
that is sure to make me cream
you'll be coming over pages
of Hello magazine

Gala balls and functions darling
places to be seen
and you never have to spread your legs
for Hello magazine

My home of gilt and marble
I'm sure you're absolutely green
Even though it's dead and soulless
just like Hello magazine

I'm from a carnival of horrors
and I'm so rich that it's obscene
Come and see me with the other freaks
in Hello magazine

We've got it and we flaunt it
and it's hard luck if we're mean
cuz we're smug and smarmy bastards here
in Hello magazine

It's glossy big and shiny
But somehow it feels unclean
The pornography of wealth portrayed
in Hello magazine




Song Stats
Hits: 3252
Comments: 33
Fans: 15
Plays: 102
Downloads: 113

Uploaded: Dec 31, 2008 - 11:14:13 AM
Last Updated: Dec 31, 2008 - 02:10:10 PM Last Played: Jan 10, 2017 - 03:46:45 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
Uke, spoons
Software:
GB
Comments
Feter said 3157 days ago (December 31st, 2008)
Hello Magazine
woo a jugband blues ...what best more than that ....very nice arrangment !
loved the effect on the vocal ...that was really Uke ...wo ..interestin !!
so funny and cool ...thnx alot for sharin !!!!
Check out my latest song called Roll with it
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Thanks Feter!
Always good to see you.

I had a lot of fun making this so your comments make it all worthwhile.

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
Rebsie said 3157 days ago (December 31st, 2008)
Love the Bonzos ...
... and you've captured their vibe nicely. With added lewdness. :)

Good to see some of the Celebrity Torture songs shaping up already.
Check out my latest song called Amongst The Colours (w/ Luna Trick)
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Hello stranger!
Graeme does do a good job of lewdness. Probably just as well no videos exist of him abusing a womble....

Thanks for the comments

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
lengold said 3157 days ago (December 31st, 2008)
Used to love the
Bonzos and that was a definite trip down Memory Lane. Absolutely brilliant lyrics and song from Graeme. I am in awe of you for managing to recreate that sound, it must have taken some doing. Can always rely on you Dick to come up with something totally unusual AND entertaining.
Cheers
Len
Check out my latest song called Decent Girl
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
The Bonzos and Spike Jones
were a great faves of mine and Graeme's so it was nice to be able draw on them for this song.

Graeme has hit a rich vein in his writing and it helps working with good source material.

See you soon.

Thanks

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
sloparts said 3157 days ago (December 31st, 2008)
Just delightful, Dick
Talk about tongue in cheek humor man this has it in spades.

Funny bit my friend

Ed
Check out my latest song called Quack's Blues
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Thanks Ed
we're not all like this in England!

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
Vic Holman said 3157 days ago (December 31st, 2008)
Spike is right
well say hello to fun.

this turned out really cool. a very retro take on a old fashion style. leave it to you to match up a uke, tuba and the kitchen sink. very clever arrangement too. Must of taken some time to arrange ad mix all this.
Check out my latest song called Photographs
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Too long mixing in many respects
I do have a habit of putting so many little bits in that the mix becomes a nightmare but it's worth it all when I get such a positive response.

And yes, Spike is right!

The next song will hopefully be a bit simpler...

Cheers

Dick

Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
woofer3 said 3157 days ago (December 31st, 2008)
absolutely wonderful
music I think should be entertaining and this certainly is that. Love everything about this is right - reminds me of the Bonzos -

I also remember that Sitting Image did a song about the Hello magazine some years ago and I think it was called - Why can't the world be like Hello -

Excellent work

John.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Now you come to mention it
I remember a song like that.

Anyway, I'm pleased you were entertained!

Thanks for the comments

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
paul f. page said 3156 days ago (January 1st, 2009)
Wow.
This is just CRAZY! I love the irreverence, am shocked by the lewd lyrics, and delighted by the wildly inventive orchestration...not to mention (okay, I WILL mention it!) the Beatlesque [Mr. Kite] vocal technique. It amazes me how you can put something like this together with such panache and style and precision. (Don't put yourself down, Dick. This is REALLY GOOD stuff.)
Peace.
Paul
Check out my latest song called 194
DWL said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Thanks Paul,
A misspent youth I think for both me and Graeme.

It's odd how it all developed as it started out as a skiffle type song but sort of morphed into this cod 30s vaudeville before I realised what had happened.

Many thanks for your thoughts Paul.

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
MacFerret said 3156 days ago (January 1st, 2009)
I've said it before
and I'll say it again - brilliant! The lyrics are cutting but hilarious, and I love the clipped accent that you sing it with: almost sub-Coward. I laugh every time I listen, and I can only applaud the way you have effectively taken the melody from My Old Man's a Dustman and woven such a clever and entertaining arrangement around it.
I wish Kenny Everett were still around - he would have had a lot of fun with this.
Check out my latest song called Sad Ronnie
DWL said 3154 days ago (January 3rd, 2009)
Skiffle to chaos
thanks Tim, it was a bit of a convoluted journey but good fun.

Thanks for the listen

Cheers

Dick

Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
davisamerica said 3156 days ago (January 1st, 2009)
lol
mr. langford amd Mssr. Hobbs you are insane genius
Check out my latest song called ok char2(Vic and Flatrock mix)
DWL said 3154 days ago (January 3rd, 2009)
Insane is great
reminds me of the Parisian who fell in the river. "Are you OK they said", "No I'm in Seine"

I'll get me coat.

Thanks Jack :-)

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
jiguma said 3155 days ago (January 2nd, 2009)
Only the Poms* ..
.. could get away with that! I'm surprised there's no credit for Caroline, if only for inspiration :)

* I use the "P" word as a passport carrying member!

Happy New Year Dick and co.

Neil
Check out my latest song called We End Up Being All The Same (42)
DWL said 3150 days ago (January 7th, 2009)
Thanks Neil
Sorry for the delay in replying...

I didn't know Caroline had been featured in Hello!

Cheers

Dick


Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
stevel said 3154 days ago (January 3rd, 2009)
Great stuff!
Always great to hear your humour coming out, I will have to send this over to my brother in Austria...he will appreciate the Englishness of it hehe
Cheers
Steve
Check out my latest song called Broken Toy
DWL said 3150 days ago (January 7th, 2009)
I take it he's not Austrian then?
Thanks for the comments and I hope your brother likes it

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
kassia said 3152 days ago (January 5th, 2009)
well then
this is just about the coolest thing i've heard in a long time. what fun!!!! tuba! bells! pizz strings! awesome lyrics. this is just too fun. had me laughing out loud. great stuff. totally totally great.
Check out my latest song called Greensleeves
DWL said 3150 days ago (January 7th, 2009)
Cool?
Yeah, that's good for me!

I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

Thanks !

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
magnatone said 3152 days ago (January 5th, 2009)
Hello Magazine
Dick - this is brilliantly, kookily imaginative. Hilarious. Like Paul Page, I'm shocked, SHOCKED - LOL - and thoroughly entertained. Just fabulous - thanks!
Check out my latest song called Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) and Variations
DWL said 3150 days ago (January 7th, 2009)
Shocking bikers
I'm doing something right then ;-)

Thanks!

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
dolby said 3149 days ago (January 8th, 2009)
Sometimes...
...I quite miss Blighty. Fantastic, and some of the best 4 line stanzas ever featured here at MacJams

Wonderful!
Phil
Check out my latest song called The Only Ghost Who Cares
DWL said 3145 days ago (January 12th, 2009)
Come home then!
Actually with the amount of surveillance cameras, ID cards and a government intent on controlling every aspect of our life maybe it's not so good.

I will pass your comments onto Graeme (him what writted the lyrics) who will be most pleased :-)

Thanks

Cheers

Dick


Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
Bob Rodgers said 3148 days ago (January 9th, 2009)
:-)
This is brilliant and I love the lyrics, a great delivery on the vocals and this reminds me of The Bonzos too.
Sounds like you had a lot of fun making this and I love the sound of all the different instruments, a wonderful middle 8, sounds great!
I know I've said it before but I love your sense of humour Dick!
Very entertaining and great stuff!
Thanks!

Bob
Check out my latest song called The Lonely Man
DWL said 3145 days ago (January 12th, 2009)
Thanks Bob!
Anothe vote for Graeme's lyrics! He's going to need a wheelbarrow for his head soon.

It was a lot of fun and it was great to step away from the guitar and do something different again.

See you next week!

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
VicDiesel said 3132 days ago (January 25th, 2009)
Doo dah!
I think you caught the Bonzo spirit quite well. Not just the sound, although the tuba and the telephone voice do help. The sarcastic lyrics are very good, in an Urban Spaceman vein. Actually, it most reminds me of Look Out There's a Monster Coming.


Check out my latest song called Flute Bag
Doug Somers said 3098 days ago (February 28th, 2009)
About time someone skewered Hello! with such panache
This has way too much class to be like Spike Jones, although it does capture his eye for often wickedly clever satire and a boing and ping here and there. Sounds to me more like a George Formby piece. Nicely done.
Check out my latest song called Coming Home - Based on a Theme by David Kneupper
saymme said 3085 days ago (March 13th, 2009)
Tx hello magasine !!!
HAhHAHhaha This makes me laugh outloud !! I just love Your diff genres & have been without this genre for too long now so this was great to hear !(!) i thk i'm gonna start my days reading comicmags again..that was a great way to start the days Wonderful fun song...! is it Bolero in there aswell familiar sound : )
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Name: Dick langford
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10 years here (at time of writing!) - it doesn't seem that long ago I wrote "it doesn't seem that long ago I wrote 5 years"... Older but no wiser. The musical projects that make up Amokopera are now complete and Distant England (the story of... [see more]

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