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The Girlfriend version 2


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Description
Version 1 had too many loops for the music and for the drums. So, this is less busy but there are a few more lines and a chorus, with a hook, hopefully. I give up. I can't put together the music properly, but this gives you an idea of what I had in mind. I heard from a few folk that there might be something here so if you are interested in the premise, please let me know. I will re-sing. Thanks so much.
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Lyrics
He sneaks 'round late at night
You don't know where he's been
Nothing gets put back right
He says, "You're butting in!"
Some nights you watch him move out
And see the things he takes
It makes you want to shout,
"Enough with these mistakes!"
>>
The girlfriend, she can't be saved
This is the price of love
Hooked up with one so depraved
Just can't help who you love
>>
He has a gun and a knife
Someone will be killed soon
You're so sick of this life
You hooked up with a goon
You've become so filled with fright
Thinking no one is safe
But you don't want to fight
Endure the verbal strafe
>>
The girlfriend, now on your knees
You could have learned the score
Before you made all your pleas
Before he slammed out that door
>>
Still you care 'bout him because
You love him, that's what is
It's evil that he does
This risky life's still his
You could've left, now it's late
You're too mixed up inside
You're going down, it's your fate
You've got nowhere to hide
>>
The girlfriend, she can't be saved
This is the price of love
Hooked up with one so depraved
Just can't help who you love
Song Stats
Hits: 2095
Comments: 30
Fans: 12
Plays: 391
Downloads: 79

Uploaded: May 20, 2010 - 01:10:57 AM
Last Updated: May 20, 2010 - 01:53:55 AM Last Played: Jul 21, 2017 - 09:53:43 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
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Creative Commons

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Hardware:
mac
Software:
Garage Band
Comments
jdholliday said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
hey I get all kinds
of firsties this morning! i'm getting up early and playing hookey more often! You are gifted with that amazing unique voice and phrasing! Suchh cool lyrics too Char! great job!
Check out my latest song called Please Help, Pride of NYC needs tracks!
PaulaMunk said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Okay..
This is all I can do. Thanks.
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
lengold said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Amazing lyric
and vocal.
Cheers
Len

Check out my latest song called Decent Girl
PaulaMunk said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
A little different.
Even when others aren't interested, I still like some of my ideas. Thank you, Len. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
davisamerica said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
wow charlene...
this is totally more focused. There is a song here and you are finding it... keep on lady...keep on. Really mean it .... well done. Looking forward to seeing where you take this next.
Check out my latest song called ok char2(Vic and Flatrock mix)
PaulaMunk said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
I won't be
doing any more, Jack. I was just happy it sounds a bit better. Thanks. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
MarkHolbrook said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Never give up
Never surrender! This is cool... so keep going!
Check out my latest song called Corn Whiskey
PaulaMunk said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Hah!
It will be up to anyone who likes this now. I can't do anything more. Thanks, Mark. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
Char said 129 days ago (July 15th, 2017)
Lol..
Mark.

Check out my latest song called Bound, v2. w Music by Dirigent
DWL said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Great lyrics, great vocal
It's coming together.

Cheers

Dick
Check out my latest song called This Empire's State
PaulaMunk said 2742 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Thanks, Dick.
We shall see. I need help. But, at least I got it this far. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
dave_b said 2741 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
The Girlfriend version 2
This is a big improvement over yesterday. The loop measures under this line "He sneaks 'round late at night You don't know where he's been" is working fine against the melody. I think all you would have to do is repeat those measures 3 more times and it would work better for the verse. I think your chorus lyric works fine though it would be stronger to take the chords/melody someplace else for this part of the song - I guess you are trapped by the loop you are using. Still this is coming along nicely.
Check out my latest song called Llarions Blues
PaulaMunk said 2741 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
Ah, yes.
I can hear it. I do wish I knew how to do what you guys do. Thanks, Dave. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
michaeljayklein said 2741 days ago (May 20th, 2010)
You know...
...I myself CAN'T do what you did here and neither can many others! This is a much improved version and is proof positive that feedback is a very helpful thing--taking that feedback and being able to use it takes a good deal of ability, which you certainly do have Paula. I enjoyed this very much! Ya done good!
Check out my latest song called There Ain't Nobody Here but Us Chickens!
PaulaMunk said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
I simplified..
is all. I think that there are simply, not enough loops that fit together like puzzle pieces do. I am sure it could be better. I would like the chorus to sound different..trapped by the loop...was exactly right. I started with an an acapella and tried everything that might sound okay with it. You are too kind, that's a fact. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
ted23 said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
I
Was interrupted at the start of this song by someone trying to chat. Grrrr
which in a way was good as when the super brief conversation ended I was able to listen to the song not in 'macjams mode' without realising. Which meant I was just listening for listenings sake and not focussing on analysing the tune.
I spend to much time analysing tunes on this site as that's kind of what it's here for and not listening for shear enjoyment. I got to do that on thhis tune and found myself enjoying it greatly. I didn't pick up on any problems as for once I wasn't looking for them. Which is the best way to listen to music :)
I enjoyed as is!
PaulaMunk said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
You are
extremely gracious. And I am touched. With a real musician making this song, it could be better. Thanks so much for the encouragement. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
sheilad said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
look at you
with lines and hooks and loops and a great tune! OMG.. I wish I could do anything even close to this!!! You go girl... great to see what you are capable of. Loving your vocals on here
Check out my latest song called Nana Lives
PaulaMunk said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
Sheila,
you are a sweetie for listening. I am only trying but I can tell I'm crippled by lack of know-how. (You are sounding too much like a self effacing MJer we know and love.) I can write words and find a melody and that is about it. Need more fit together loops. Thanks. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
RAVENS said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
Stinkin' Boys!
I haven't heard the word "goon" in ages. Great lyrics, I'm sure many can relate. Dig your voice sooooo much!

RAVEN ;-)
Check out my latest song called Tattooed Scars (w/ Sigmund, Scofugate, Rok41)
PaulaMunk said 2741 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
Yeah,
well...I'm pretty old. So very nice of you. I appreciate your listen. Thanks. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
Moviz said 2740 days ago (May 21st, 2010)
when
you very first sang here I told you you had a great voice and it's coming through more and more Char... really pleased you got the confidence built up to do something like this, cause it's really coming together... and with great lyrics, cheers M
Check out my latest song called Angels
PaulaMunk said 2740 days ago (May 22nd, 2010)
I think
I've developed confidence in my writing and my singing but I just can't do the background music. Thank you for liking the lyrics. These are just one of several that didn't picked up by the folk that inspired me. Fortunately, I can sing to anything. Appreciate the support, Maurice. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
Reggie_Pole said 2740 days ago (May 22nd, 2010)
Hooked
Very nice work on the vocals and lyrics. I understand your approach to the backing. Keep plugging away.
Check out my latest song called UnerSpizm
PaulaMunk said 2740 days ago (May 22nd, 2010)
Thank you
Reggie for finding time to listen to this slap dash experiment. I'm done.... Hopefully I get it closer to right on another experiment. Appreciate the support. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
Kicbal said 2728 days ago (June 3rd, 2010)
This is cool
Great sounding voice. Your vocal quality actually reminds me of the singer in a band called "Universal Hall Pass". I get the idea of what you have in mind here. Actually a more full sounding arrangement of the music around your current vocal performance may yield a very powerful tune.
Check out my latest song called Close Call
PaulaMunk said 2728 days ago (June 3rd, 2010)
Thanks for
coming by. I have done all I can. I just wanted to do "something" with the lyrics. :)
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
PaulaMunk said 2707 days ago (June 24th, 2010)
Ah well,
Maybe someday this will become something else. Wish more could have been done with this song.
Check out my latest song called O, Shenandoah
Char said 129 days ago (July 15th, 2017)
The looping
sucks. and, I'm thinking about giving it another go. My new computer has GB and it looks totally different. I will make some crap for all of "yuse", soon. Thanks for putting upon with my crazy attempts.

Check out my latest song called Bound, v2. w Music by Dirigent
Char said 129 days ago (July 15th, 2017)
"Up with"
Aarrgghhhh!
Check out my latest song called Bound, v2. w Music by Dirigent
Artist Info
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Name: PaulaMunk (aka Char/Demeter7)
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I adopted this persona because I was christened as the little chipmunk for The Chickmunks virtual band in 2009. I play here. Thank you for stopping in to my tree house. Collabs: vaisvil: http://www.macjams.com/song/57124 Cameron: http://www.... [see more]

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