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shine in you



 Genre: Acoustic
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This is a basic demo track of a song i've been working on. It's just me and the acoustic guitar. i'd just like some feedback to see what you all think before i dump a lot of time into making it sound like the version playing in my head. i know i've got some timing issues and it sounds like it was recorded in a tunnel. Oh, and that's me singing so that's never good. Tell me what you think of the lyrics and the song structure. If the overall response is positive, i'll pursue it.
The other thing is, i've been here two months now, it's about time i posted something, ready or not.
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darkness falls
at three o'clock in the afternoon

shut in
as if you got nothing else to do

flicker of a tv screen
and some broken dreams
weekday soap box opera blues

cold pizza on a paper plate
but it's not your fate
and it's up to you to choose

won't you
pull back the curtain
and let the light in?
take the chain off the sun
let it shine in

let the light in you

for leaving you so soon

he left
just to twist the knife in you

life gets harder every day
i know he took away
everything you had to lose

ain't hard to see why you live this way
but it's not your fate
and it's up to you to choose
Song Stats
Hits: 1390
Comments: 2
Fans: 0
Plays: 39
Downloads: 81

Uploaded: Mar 27, 2007 - 11:15:51 AM
Last Updated: Mar 27, 2007 - 01:02:14 PM Last Played: Jan 20, 2019 - 11:08:18 AM
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Creative Commons License:

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Jim Bouchard said 4317 days ago (March 27th, 2007)
Interesting and worth developing
It would be easier to comment on the lyrics if you were to post them. As they go by, nothing sticks out like a sore thumb. I like the way the chorus fits in and folds back into the verse chord sequence, so the structure is pretty good. It might need a break of some sort. Actually, I think the singing is fine. You got a positive response from me, anyway. Just needs some polishing.
Check out my latest song called Big Yawn (Apogee One mic demo)
snakeoil said 4317 days ago (March 27th, 2007)
whoops, knew i forgot something. i'll add the lyrics in, if i can edit.
Thanks for the comments, i appreciate it.

the probability of a miracle, while infinitesimally small, is not exactly equal to zero...
Check out my latest song called shine in you
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Location: MidWesT
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i played guitar in several bands in the past, both short-lived and otherwise. Currently i'm solo, but i don't mind....for now. ... [see more]
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