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That’s How We’ll End It



 Genre: Pop (mainstream)

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I used to collaborate with a young lady nearly a decade ago. We did a couple songs, and she was great! She called herself Dirge K. Her real name is Nicola. She seemed to me to be a very tortured soul. I kinda thought maybe she had been a victim of rape. I didn't pry but I knew instinctively something was troubling her. I thought to myself that if indeed she had been raped it would explain her stand offish demeanor with this older male. So I didn't push, and she stopped responding to me. Several months went by with no word, and then out of the blue, I received an email from her mother informing me that Nicola had committed suicide! I was devistated! The pain that I perceived in her music and lyrics, as well as her coorespondence, was much deeper than I had imagined. I felt a little guilty because I had given her what i thought was space from a threatening male. If I had known how deep it was I probably would have tried to console her, and perhaps I could have talked her out of this decision to end her life.

Well I tried to do this very thing with her mother Jill (whom I had only just met under very harsh conditions). Jill and her husband had no clue that her pain was so deep. She told me she thought it was because of a lover jilting her. So I explained that she should not be feeling guilt, that she had no way of knowing. I was trying desperately to console her. We had email discussion for probably a month and I did my best to be a new friend and and give a sort of counciling. I had no qualifications but I did this instinctively having failed to help Nicola. Jill and I had become pretty good friends. One day she suggested that she send me all of the projects that she had found on Nicola's computer. It took a little while but she sent me about 8 gigs worth of cubase project files. So I looked through them and found several unfinished projects. Jill had asked me to consider finishing the unfinished projects. This is one that I found and wrote some ochestration and acoustic guitar parts for and made this arrangement. The lyrics and her vocal have just such an intensity about them, that it just oozes pain. To this day it brings a tear to my eye when I listen to this. She was such a beautiful, talented young girl, and yet she was so tortured. The pain she conveys with these lyrics is almost unbearable to me having remotely witnessed her ending her own life and the devistation it wrecked on the surviving family. And so I present to you the tortured beauty of Nicola. Rest In Peace Dirge K. You were so beautiful, and precious. If only we had known and tried to help you in your pain.
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That’s how we’ll end it
I’m a weight lifted from your shoulders.
No point in saying the reps we're a superfluous strain

I get the picture; it’s spontaneously been emblazoned
on an invoice to recipients of a dying flame.
Stoically I sit, it’s reasonable to end it I say

But I’ve no recourse to judge anyone
when they leave on me isn't it just what I asked for?
Isn’t it just?

I’m a vacant space with no walls
no doors to kick down
Now watch me now watch it, all fall out


That’s how we’ll end it
in a gentle but deceptive hector
I always thought I was the expert in abandonment

All those fatuous threats
I made to free myself of you
Now I see, it’s you who’s hedged your bets

© 2004 Dirge K & Paul Corr
Produced at F-Jam Online Musical Studios

Author melody, lyrics, vocals & intense inspiration - Nicola (Dirge K.)
Author music, electric lead gtr, rythm gtr, and bass - Paul Corr
Producer, Drums, orchestration, spanish gtr, arrangement, editing, mix/master - Fred E. Jam
Special thanks to Nicola's Mum Jill for bringing this song to F-Jam to be produced, and keeping Dirge alive in her music! We all miss her! God bless you!
Song Stats
Hits: 2495
Comments: 21
Fans: 17
Plays: 144
Downloads: 91
Votes: 2
Uploaded: Sep 25, 2010 - 07:08:35 AM
Last Updated: Sep 25, 2010 - 08:48:44 AM Last Played: Feb 05, 2018 - 08:54:29 PM
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Symphony101 said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Don't know where to start ...
First your action is noble working on the songs and the link you created with Dirge's mom. This is such a sad situation. I'm very much touched by what you explained.
Check out my latest song called Standing On The Brink (w/ Mosaica)
Loob said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Don't know where to start ...
Thanks. Did you check out her lyrics? She just yanks emotion out of us with them. She had such a lyrical ability on top of being a great an unique vocalist. I'm likely to never meet anyone like her again in my life, much less get to work with her. She had like "perfect pitch", and a lot of soul that is full of emotion. It cries out.
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Symphony101 said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Sad lyrics but indeed, what a talent she had ...
Check out my latest song called Standing On The Brink (w/ Mosaica)
Corporal Beef said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Loob, what a heavy situation. You're right about her voice; it's haunting, yet beautiful. And the lyrics are eerie, but deep and yearning.

You not only did a great job with this piece, you did a great service to Nicola. Part of her will live on through everyone who is touched by her voice. I've downloaded it, and it will occupy a permanent spot on my iPod. I'll tell others her story as we listen.

She has much to teach us.

Thanks for posting.

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tf10music said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
poignant. This is some great work. It's vocally remarkable, and your instrumentation really brings out the best in her voice. I am hearing how tortured a soul she must have been more in her singing than in the lyrics themselves -- this is a great, expressive voice.
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sschedra said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Wow! Her expressiveness as a vocalist really comes through. So many with strong gifts have open hearts. those with open hearts often don't know how to deal with the pain. Tragedy to lose anyone so young, but especially one so gifted. Thanks pal. I am sure that any of us would be glad to help on the project. If there is anything you think you might want, just ask.
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Sigmund said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
That’s How We’ll End It
Truly sad - she was clearly very talented. There is star quality in her voice.
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fasteddie said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
This track is fantastic. What a horrible story that goes along with it.

I'm glad that I got to hear it though. What a great loss this is.
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drakonis said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Tragically good
What a heartbreaking story... often we wonder if there was anything more we could have (or should have) done... your heart and actions are all in the right place, and this is a beautiful gift that you've offered the world, as a way to remember Nicola by. My heart goes out to you and her family and everyone she touched. Thank you for carrying this music and story to the light.
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Carrie71 said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Most times it is someone who is tortured that delivers a vocal such as this. She conveys what she is feeling. Very talented, wow what a gift you give to her mother and to us by making this with her...she lives on in music. Unbelievable voice. Truly thanks for sharing this. Amazing!!
crissew said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Story leading up to this song and the song itself are quite powerful. She had a wonderful voice. Really a great song here. So sad to cut ones life short like that. Especially for the family left behind.

Great song, drenched in pain to be sure.
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Char said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
I hate it when someone takes their life. Great voice. Really nicely produced song. Thanks.
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papag said 2703 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Beyond the story
This is the real deal. Great work. Excellent arrangement and instrumentation.

Fav'd and dl'd

I had a close friend who took his life. It's often hard to read the depth people are down to when you are with them. The best we can do is love em while we got em and let them know we are there if they want to talk. It's tricky...

Thanks for working on her stuff. I hope there is more.
Check out my latest song called Chinese Flutes (first draft)
Loob said 2702 days ago (September 26th, 2010)
Is there more
Yes there is more. All of it oozing with feeling in similar ways. I also have a huge archive of her lyrics that writers, and vocalists can browse. I have them archived on my blog. Thanks for the feedback she meant a lot to me, and many others as well. I will be posting more of her tracks. Thanks for the feedback.
Check out my latest song called Fun Theme
Social_Ice said 2703 days ago (September 26th, 2010)
wonderful tribute...
to a very talented woman....and to be able to resurrect her light and beauty in this way. Very well conveyed.... ~barbara
Mike_Lynn said 2702 days ago (September 26th, 2010)
What a sad story
This really comes a bit heavy. You have done great work by bringing her music back to life. Gorgeous voice indeed.
Check out my latest song called Moods
egobandit said 2702 days ago (September 26th, 2010)
Such a beautiful voice
Its so sad that some people suffer so much and just never know how to let it out , I enjoyed this song allot thanks for sharing in some small way she can live on in the music you made!
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mvh9591 said 2702 days ago (September 26th, 2010)
What a voice. Sad story Fred. You really brought this song to life in Nicola's memory. Sorry for the loss. Thanks to you her music and voice live on. D/L

Enjoyed - Thanks for sharing,

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tempie said 2701 days ago (September 27th, 2010)
man this is great
the vocals are incredible. such grit. and I really like the adult / contemporary rock treatment. happily downloaded.

(also, what a story)
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SISTERS said 2701 days ago (September 27th, 2010)
i'm knocked out.
the things she does with her voice are incredible.
beautiful job of putting this together, Fred.
and DAMN! one more time
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Saltaireguru77 said 2690 days ago (October 8th, 2010)
Great. Just ... great
Such a classy voice and style. I've read the info behind the song and quite frankly I don't know what to respond other than to say you've done her proud and it's great to hear her music. Thanks for sharing this Freddy.
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Name: Freddy
Location: United States
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I have been a drummer since about 1974. I've played in bands, and in the studio, and I write and produce. I have been involved in online collaborations since 1998. ... [see more]

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